Being a Mom without My Mom -Darby

Being a mom without my mom –

is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

By Single Mom – Darby

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Being a mom is one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. It is the most rewarding and also the most challenging. I had my son when I was 24 years old. My mom who I considered to be my best friend was there through everything; from the doctor’s appointments to ultrasounds and especially the delivery. She was the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. She was Selfless, caring and loving. She was always there with advice and help. Just after two years after my son was born she was diagnosed with stage four cancer. There was no surgery that could be done only chemotherapy and radiation. It was hard to watch the toughest woman I knew go through all of this. It was hard on my son because grandma was the one who was goofy with him and they did silly things and she couldn’t do that anymore. After six months I lost her, because she lost her battle with cancer I was heartbroken but I knew she wouldn’t have to be in pain anymore. It was still hard though. My son would ask for her and he was only two how do you explain to a two year old that his grandma is in heaven??
Now that he’s older he understands. And occasionally asks why. And I still don’t have an answer. But perhaps the hardest thing for me is my life is going on and she isn’t here to see it. I took my son to Disney world and I wanted to call her and tell her about it. When Conner started school I wanted her there with me. His school plays and concerts. I want her there. When I had a biopsy done on the lump that was found in my breast I needed my mommy. There was a period of time where I was in and out of the hospital and wanted my mom.
When Conner was sick I just wanted to call my mom and have her tell me everything was going to be okay. There are days I want to just call her to hear her voice but I can’t.
I have friends who talk badly about their parents. And I just sit back and listen. I don’t say anything. But inside it kills me. What I wouldn’t give to be able to fight about stupid stuff with my parents again. What I wouldn’t give to celebrate a birthday with them again. To be able introduce them to my significant other. To know that they’d be there if/when I ever get married. It hurts to think that if I have another child he or she will never get to meet my parents.
So yea being a mom and not having my mom there to ask for advice or send my son there and have her spoil him rotten is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

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